So I had an inspiring time with a colleague from Youth For Christ and a shorter than normal car journey (only 40 mins) yesterday. I return home full of passion and thoughtful reflection on the Love of Christ through the cross, ready to announce to my wife, Sara, the riches I have received that day from my communion and commuting. I get home and no one is home, the house is quiet and not a sound is heard... sure enough two minutes later in walks Sara with our friend and my son Malachi rabbiting away about the 'choo choo trax'. Sara's face looked as if she had just spent all afternoon with the Jedward twins and that man from the gocompare adverts. Safe to say it was Daddy's turn to look after Malachi for a couple of hours.
For the proceeding two hours my son left the adorable 'choo choo trax' in the hall and became a cross between a high maintenance celebrity (what Malachi wants Malachi gets!!!) and a whiny, sniffy, Oscar performer (whoa is me for I cannot have that toy!!). Man it was hard work. The incessant screaming, the trying to stay calm, the frustration that nothing would calm him down or appease him. It finally led to a couple of time outs in which the decibel levels almost certainly have resulted in letters from the local council, warning us about our future conduct and consideration towards our neighbours.
But in this time of frustration, banging my head against a brick wall and screaming toddlers came a beautiful whisper from a loving Father. And it came in the eye of the storm. As Malachi's crying and screaming could get no louder or more intense I placed my frustration and anger (if we are truly honest it is difficult to not get angry within frustration) to one side and chose to love, placing my hand on his chest, looking him in the eye and telling him that I loved him. I wished I could say the crying stopped there and then, it didn't, but it did come down from the piercing window smashing frequency it was at. I continued to tell him I loved him and it was okay and after a while came the "cuddle daddy" and "kiss daddy", Love won.
It was in that moment my Father showed me his grace and the meaning of that famous passage in 1 John 4, that he is about LOVE not fury and FORGIVENESS not condemnation. Many times I have been that screaming toddler, wanting my own way for my summer school, or my event, or my ministry, me, me, me, me, me.... I've cried and shouted at him when I've been hurt. I've hit out at him when I feel he hasn't been there. And as my decibels get there loudest, as the eye of the storm of my fury at God increases, my Father places his hand on my heart and looks into my very being and tells me 'I love you'. It takes time to wear me down but eventually i reciprocate that love, eventually I mirror that Love of Christ, to Christ, for Christ. Eventually that Love is all I know, for I know even in the storms and screaming I am loved, and therefore all I know to do is... to... Love.
God will challenge us, God will rebuke us, God will transform us and scripture is clear that hard times are the earthly reward for following Christ, suffering is part of the package here on Earth. But, and it is a joyful glorious'but', God will always, always put the challenge to one side, put the rebuking to one side when we are at our most raw and hurting, and display his everlasting and complete love to us. I thank Christ for 1 John 4, I thank Christ that his Gospel is not what we make of it or display it as, but is a Gospel that loves even when we are screaming toddlers, because if we are honest we're all screaming toddlers in need of simply being loved.
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