We're All Screaming Toddlers

So I had an inspiring time with a colleague from Youth For Christ and a shorter than normal car journey (only 40 mins) yesterday. I return home full of passion and thoughtful reflection on the Love of Christ through the cross, ready to announce to my wife, Sara, the riches I have received that day from my communion and commuting. I get home and no one is home, the house is quiet and not a sound is heard... sure enough two minutes later in walks Sara with our friend and my son Malachi rabbiting away about the 'choo choo trax'. Sara's face looked as if she had just spent all afternoon with the Jedward twins and that man from the gocompare adverts. Safe to say it was Daddy's turn to look after Malachi for a couple of hours.

For the proceeding two hours my son left the adorable 'choo choo trax' in the hall and became a cross between a high maintenance celebrity (what Malachi wants Malachi gets!!!) and a whiny, sniffy, Oscar performer (whoa is me for I cannot have that toy!!). Man it was hard work. The incessant screaming, the trying to stay calm, the frustration that nothing would calm him down or appease him. It finally led to a couple of time outs in which the decibel levels almost certainly have resulted in letters from the local council, warning us about our future conduct and consideration towards our neighbours.

But in this time of frustration, banging my head against a brick wall and screaming toddlers came a beautiful whisper from a loving Father. And it came in the eye of the storm. As Malachi's crying and screaming could get no louder or more intense I placed my frustration and anger (if we are truly honest it is difficult to not get angry within frustration) to one side and chose to love, placing my hand on his chest, looking him in the eye and telling him that I loved him. I wished I could say the crying stopped there and then, it didn't, but it did come down from the piercing window smashing frequency it was at. I continued to tell him I loved him and it was okay and after a while came the "cuddle daddy" and "kiss daddy", Love won.

It was in that moment my Father showed me his grace and the meaning of that famous passage in 1 John 4, that he is about LOVE not fury and FORGIVENESS not condemnation. Many times I have been that screaming toddler, wanting my own way for my summer school, or my event, or my ministry, me, me, me, me, me.... I've cried and shouted at him when I've been hurt. I've hit out at him when I feel he hasn't been there. And as my decibels get there loudest, as the eye of the storm of my fury at God increases, my Father places his hand on my heart and looks into my very being and tells me 'I love you'. It takes time to wear me down but eventually i reciprocate that love, eventually I mirror that Love of Christ, to Christ, for Christ. Eventually that Love is all I know, for I know even in the storms and screaming I am loved, and therefore all I know to do is... to... Love.

God will challenge us, God will rebuke us, God will transform us and scripture is clear that hard times are the earthly reward for following Christ, suffering is part of the package here on Earth. But, and it is a joyful glorious'but', God will always, always put the challenge to one side, put the rebuking to one side when we are at our most raw and hurting, and display his everlasting and complete love to us. I thank Christ for 1 John 4, I thank Christ that his Gospel is not what we make of it or display it as, but is a Gospel that loves even when we are screaming toddlers, because if we are honest we're all screaming toddlers in need of simply being loved.

Entering the New Frontier.....

Wow so I'm a blogger, always wondered what a blogger looked like, thought like and wrote like.

For me there's something incredibly challenging in writing about your thoughts and actions in a way which doesn't seem irrelevant, obnoxious or rude to the few who may or may not read these words. I was never big into the diary thing, writing down all my nuances and strange thoughts, and it was only after my gap year (I was 21 at the time) that the concept of self reflection came onto the radar. So the idea of reflecting in words in a public open way, in which people have the ability to comment on my less than eloquent thoughts, is frankly less appealing than eating the barbecued hot dog that fell on the ant ridden patio on Sunday afternoon (for the record I didn't eat it, nor did I quietly whistle and place the said hot dog back on the barbecue).

So why on earth do it?

Simple, to dialogue.

To share and receive the riches of my life in Christ with those I care about, friends, family and the whole church with it's many crazy ways. To show that the mundane driving, driving, driving and more driving is in fact an exciting, risk filled, missional focussed existence that on the surface seems pointless and monotonous but inside is profoundly challenging and enriching. I reject wholeheartedly this understanding that Christ is only present in the worship service whilst wearing sunday best or the mountain high, 'spiritually laid out on the floor', time. But know that he is present in the times of washing the dishes, driving for another hour and playing with my son Malachi. This is the heartbeat of Romans 12, not that every moment of our life needs to be spirtually intense but that the Spirit is present and enriching our seemingly fleeting and plodding along lives.

It is a joy to work for the church and build up the local expressions found in Anglia. The challenge is that this joy remains, that this fire does not dwindle into embers amongst the wind, downpours and times of solitude as a DYO. That is where the Spirit for the mundane, who points out the glorious riches of God to me whilst doing that same journey for the 20th time, has become so important to me. To show that the fruits of the spirit; love, joy and peace, are not destined only for the spirtual elite, who have their houses in order and have this constant never failing feeling that they have a higher purpose (as opposed to the 'what on earth is going on' feeling that is often evident in the Blair household). But these fruits; love joy and peace, are evident in those who cry out to Abba in the challenge that is life, seeking simply to dwell with Christ whenever they remember.

So here you will find whats going on in the life of this learner DYO and disciple, whether exciting or most likely not. Here you will find the ways Christ is living in the nappy changing, book reading, glee watching (yep gleek I am) life that is his, not mine. Here you will read about the journey, not were I'm going or have been, because the journey is the place of transformation. Here you will read about the entering of a new frontier with trepidation and unrivalled anticipation.... Post #1 completed, journey underway...