Does God hate me????

I came across another controversial story relating to a well known and influential Pastor in the US. The long and short of the story was that although God loves parts of us, he also detests and hates other parts. Like all good biblical teachers and preachers, said pastor gave a very compelling biblical argument for his viewpoint and left me wondering whether God really does hate parts of me. However in my thoughts of God's wrath and distaste for me there was a stirring in my spirit which was uneasy at the road I was going down.

I struggle when Christians place more value on experience than biblical teaching. The thought that what I experience in my life superseeds the word of God is not something I ascribe too. However, nor do I ascribe to the viewpoint that the word of God is alien and at odds with our experience of life. We can come up with compelling bibilical arguments for anything but if it does not find it's way into real life then it is merely a theological academic exercise. Now you all know (if you read these regularly) I have a son, whilst Myself and Sara are also expecting another child in spring next year. So what has the above got to do with whether God hates me or not?

Simple, I do not hate any part of my Son. Even when he drives me crazy and tries my patience I do not hate him. Even if he disowns me and wishes me dead I will not hate any part of him (Prodigal Son parable anyone?). My experience of being a Father leads me to an understanding that a loving Father does not hate any part of his children, even the difficult, disobedient ones. Now I can already hear people saying 'Well you are merely a Human, God is different'. Now I can't seriously argue against that but I can say this. I believe everything good and pleasing comes from God, our identity is said to be of God as we are made in his image, our emotions and spirit are connected to his encourager and the Holy Spirit and we are at one with Christ. Therefore is it a stretch too far to understand that the love I have for my son and baby-to-come is a drop in the ocean and an accurate glimpse of the love God has for me?

I know there are biblical points of God's wrath and anger against his loved ones. And somewhere in the mix of my biblical understanding and experience of God, in the here and now, I have to try to figure that out. But my absolute adoration of a 2 year old called Malachi points me more to the description of God is love, to the biblical stance of John 3:16, to a father who loves me so much he will come searching for me regardless of what I have done wrong or the failure my actions often produce. The problem I have with a God who hates parts of me is that it leads to a God of rejection, a God of fear, a God of partial Love and that is not my biblical understanding of Christ.

1 John talks about how this 'God love' drives out fear, that fear has no place and cannot stand the sight of God's love. I pray my Son will never be fearful of me and he will, regardless of what he has done, find acceptance, grace, love and freedom in our relationship. With all of that crammed in, there is no place for hate, not even partial hate. And if that is how a mere human, with limited understanding of the divine things and the completeness of love feels, then I'm okay. My God does not hate any part of me... he loves me despite all the parts he could hate...

Talking about talking to others with friends...

People who know me will be nodding in a smug acknowledgement to the statement that I can blag my way out of some of the tightest discussion points. Many times have I been given a topic to discuss without prior warning and blagged my way out of a difficult conversation, in my own head believing I have come out on top of the debate, although in reality most likely not. I've encountered times when a lack of preparation or communication has led to me having to come up with a preach /talk on the spot and survived with my 'reputation' seemingly improved. One time at college, during my history A level course, I was asked to be the person to defend the position of the 2nd World War Nazi's in a mock trial, something which obviously is impossible but something I almost blagged, before quite rightly failing at. The point is simple, I like to talk and hear the sound of my own voice. The picture of many of my friends nodding, whilst rolling their eyes at the truth that I like to talk, is a sobering, yet accurate, judgement.

We've got some wonderful new friends in Norwich who came round for food a few weeks back. And over the late night dessert and tea we got chatting about how we talk to others about faith, church and all things Jesus. We got talking about how inept we often are at it, how the strategies we use often fail and whether it was all good deed , or all preaching the word. Conversations developed into whether our relationships with those outside the church are agenda driven and manipulated to 'convert' them and what an authentic relationship looks like. Then my friend Pete delivered a line I think I'll remember for a while, "do you realise we are talking about talking to other people...". The absurdity of what we were doing hit us and left us laughing whilst also in sober reflection. This statement led to us asking what would people think in our communities if they could hear this conversation....

What if all of our book reading, evangelism strategies, seeker friendly services, manipulated programmes and relationally driven techniques are not what Jesus was trying to highlight when he uttered the words 'go and make disciples' (Matt 28:19) ? What if Jesus was moving the conversation on from the earlier statements of the second greatest commandment being loving our neighbours as we love ourselves (Matt 22:39). What if the loving our neighbours, which requires us to talk to them, leads to the opening up of lives and reveals the Christ in us the hope of glory (Col 1:27)? Does this lead to the making of Disciples? I would argue it inevitably will.

As we talked about talking to others I was struck that so many times in the church we talk about loving people, yet often we don't. We don't invite our neighbours and communities into our lives to eat, share and find out about each other. We don't know what the families in our road need prayer for. We don't let people see Christ in us, the honest rawness of a Saviour who lifts us up. If I talked as much to my neighbours and those in my community as much as I talk about getting them into church then maybe there would be a few more disciples, maybe we would love each other a little more and maybe there will be that little bit more of God in our world than if I just keep talking about church.

As hard as it is for me to say, I sometimes need to shut up and get on with this loving others stuff. I think I'll ask our neighbours round for dinner in the next week. Maybe then the conversation won't be about talking about talking to others and simply be a conversation.

Please make my serving of Humble Pie extra Large......

It's been a somewhat quiet few weeks in the Blair household recently. After the hectic business of summer residential, the announcement that Sara is pregnant and the resulting morning sickness which led to Sara receiving a second holiday home in the shape of Cley Ward at Norwich University Hospital, the last few weeks have been somewhat understated. Life just carried on, dishes got dirty and washed again, as did the clothes, Malachi kept on being cheeky and adorable and friends came round for dinner. Life just simply continued.

In my normal thoughts, in my normal car on normal days I was drawn to one singular question. How proud am I? This question began to formulate after some unfortunate news and campaigning around a pub called the William Booth (For more on this please check out my friends blog called William Booth Pub). Pride is a funny thing, often positive but equally can become a negative issue of stubbornness and egocentric actions. In our churches we often comment on 'pride'. Proud to be a member, proud to be a DYO, proud to wear our uniform, proud to abstain, etc... Whilst on the surface these statements seem incredibly positive and would seemingly not raise any eyebrows there is a side to pride I have begun to notice over recent weeks, and it is simply this. Pride is divisive.

Pride rarely unites in diversity, instead it highlights differences between opposing thoughts. Pride rarely is teachable, instead it holds to it's guns and stubbornly fights without listening. Pride rarely builds others up, instead it ensures the differences in class, status or popularity are maintained. Pride can be a dangerous thing. Pride is about exalting ourselves to a place were we can nod our heads in appreciation of what we have done. Pride is about massaging our ego's which ultimately leads to the casting down of disapproval to those who don't agree with our stand point. Pride is indeed a selfish dangerous thing.

Jesus speaks about pride in Luke 18, when he tells a parable of a priest and a sinner. The priest, a proud man, highlights his differences between himself and the others, his pride in his standing only serves to massage his own ego and ensures his difference in all things class related can not be mistaken. The sinner simply humbly asks for forgiveness with a recognition that only the ONE can be proud of anything. Jesus states:

“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” Luke 18: 14

Humility is about exalting others before ourselves, humility is about asking the question 'maybe I'm wrong' before arguing that we are right, humility is about unity because in the end we are all sinners, humility is about following Jesus who had no pride in going to the cross and never displayed pride, when he had every justification too ,after his Resurrection, but always walked, talked and lived in humility.

I've reflected a fair amount over the recent normal weeks about my own pride. About the times I've felt proud of the job I did leading worship only to be humbled in a mistake of epic propositions from the mic stand. The times I've been proud to have the knowledge and theology only to be humbled by a young person who gets the intricacies of God's grace without even trying. I am often proud and I'm often in need of humble pie to bring me back to that place of grace and need, to that place were I realise I am no different to anyone else and nothing I do or earn will replace or pay for the love and forgiveness we are all offered.

Maybe before we tell others they're wrong and campaign against a pub because we're proud to be abstainers and that just wouldn't do, maybe before we look at another whose lifestyle could not be more opposite to the values and morals of ours and maybe before we say 'I'm proud to...' we'll ask Jesus to give us another slice of humble pie. In these thoughts I realise I'm humbled to be a dad, not proud, because my son is more than I could ever do or be but instead is a gift of grace to me. I realise I'm humbled to be a DYO, because Jesus has looked beyond my many many wrongs and seen me as right and lives in my ministry. I realise that I am humbled to be his disciple, because nothing I do or have done will ever be enough to earn me that title other than his mercy.

My orders in, a daily extra large slice of humble pie, because it tastes so much better than that pride stuff...

Running the race is only worth it at the end.....

This weekend I embarked on a fresh challenge in my life. I had entered the Great North Run, a 13.1 mile stretch of road with a few hills sandwiched in the middle, a hot sunny day which turned wet and cold and I was all alone with no one to cheer me on. I enjoy running (sometimes) and I genuinely do enjoy the challenge of long distance races, figuring out whether your body can hack the pavement pounding and deciding whether you can speed up to beat that time you want. It's addictive and it's fun.

ASICS is a well know shoe manufacturer for runners. The term comes from a Latin Phrase, 'Anima Sana In Corpore Sano', which loosely translates as 'A sound mind in a sound body'. Running does that believe it or not, it gives you this releasing of your worries, your thoughts, your stress as well as aiding your physical fitness and health. Some researches would also argue it builds character, giving us opportunities to problem solve and use our fight or flight survival instincts in ways not seen normally in our day to day lives. Running on a whole, the experts would say, is much more than being fit. On my way from Newcastle to South Shields using my running feet I had a dull feeling about the race, this race I was not enjoying, what spurred me on was getting a good time and receiving that finishes medal at the end.

2 Hours 18 minutes and 54 seconds later I crossed the line, a hard 13.1miles completed, psychological challenges overcame and I felt...... Indifferent??? I crossed the line, picked up my bag, got my medal, went to the celebratory reception with Christian Aid (Who I was running for), got in my car and drove to Nottingham. My indifference may have been due to being on my own, no one to share the occasion with, but on that long stop start drive to Nottingham I got thinking about something else. The only reason I did that race was for the feeling at the end, the joy at getting a time I could be proud of, the celebration with friends and family and the feeling I had achieved something. If I never started with those feelings and spurring thoughts then I would never have completed the race, or kept running when my legs said stop!!

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.

Again in Galatians 5 he states

You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth?

And finally the writer to the Hebrews states in Hebrews 12

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us

There's one issue that my journeying thoughts from the Great North Run left me with. Maybe the reason why so many fall in this race, get fed up and settle for mediocrity in their discipleship, don't persevere, get knocked down and struggle to get back up is that we truly don't know what we're running for. We don't get this kingdom of Heaven, these glorious riches in Christ, this finish line. We can't see anything but the hills, steep inclines, cold winters of training and sore knees ahead. I have met countless Salvationists (some officers) who look as if they have ran spiritual Marathons everyday for their entire lives, so bereft of joy, freedom and fulfillment and who just don't see the kingdom awaiting them, the kingdom that they are running for today and everyday.

In this race of life and discipleship we not only need to know what we are running for, the finish line that is to come, but also that our running, our living life builds character, perseverance and endurance. We get spiritually fit, mentally strong and full of grace. This race, this discipleship is a win-win. The end will be amazing and the run, though hard, hurtful and often broken is building in us a strength which comes for him called Christ.

I left Newcastle a little deflated at not sharing my triumph with my Wife, Son and parents, but on my drive to Nottingham was deeply thankful that the race I run each day will conclude with cheers, celebrations and joy from my Saviour, my Family and everyone in between. All I have to do is put one step in front of the other and don't stop.